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COUNSELLING SERVICES

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COUNSELLING

Some of the issues I am able to help you with include:

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  • Impacts of partner betrayal trauma
    (safety, education, understanding, guidance and support)

    • infidelity/cheating/affair recovery (sexual and/or emotional)

    • relational recovery and steps towards healing

    • trauma-informed treatment

 

  • Sex addiction, including:

    • pornography overuse/misuse

    • hyper-sexuality

    • impulsivity/compulsivity

 

  • ​ Relational issues, including:

    • communication difficulties

    • relationship breakdown

    • intimacy struggles

 

  • Couples counselling

    • pre-marriage counselling (including Prepare-Enrich material)

    • general counselling/enrichment for couples

 

  • Other addiction issues

    • alcohol dependence/misuse (substance and/or process addiction)

 

  • Loss, grief, bereavement

 

  • Adjustment due to change (e.g. moving countries)

 

  • Anxiety, stress and depression

 

  • Professional supervision for counsellors

    • For those undergoing formal education in Counselling or already registered as a Counsellor

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PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

Marriage is a significant step for any couple. It is a very exciting time but often the busyness of preparing for the wedding celebrations can take the focus off your relationship. Spending time talking about your relationship and understanding it better will help build a strong foundation for a deeper relationship and a lasting marriage.


Pre-marriage counselling provides the opportunity to discuss and explore key areas prior to entering marriage, some of which are never discussed in the relationship.

 

For example:

  • Have you considered your expectations of being together not only now, but also in the future?

  • Are your expectations realistic?

  • Have you talked with your partner about possible differences which could impact your relationship and in years to come, or about goals for your future together?

  • How do you work through your differences and resolve conflict?

  • What about blended families?


Many couples find the process of understanding their relationship better in pre-marriage counselling not only fun, but also affirming and enriching.

 

Couples generally have 3-6 pre-marriage counselling sessions, which allows time to work through key areas of their relationship. I use the Prepare-Enrich material, a well-researched program, for marriage preparation sessions. Each couple is different so counselling will focus on your unique relationship. Initially each of you will fill out a questionnaire separately online, and the responses inform the content of the sessions. This process often affirms much about your relationship, as well as identifying points of focus for discussion.

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ADDICTIONS COUNSELLING

There's a lot of banter about addiction and impulsive behaviours. So what does it all mean? You may well be asking, “Do I have an addiction?” or, “Do I really have a problem?”

 

There's so much conflicting information, including on social media, and it can be confusing and often misleading.


I have specialist addiction training and can help you understand whether your behaviours are indicative of an addiction or not. I can work with you to construct and implement a manageable plan for recovery. My professional specialty area is sex addiction and impulsivity, which also includes overuse/misuse of pornography.

 

My continued Addictions Training and affiliation is with IITAP (International Institute for Trauma & Addictions Professionals) as a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist), which is based on Dr Patrick Carnes’ years of clinical work and extensive research.

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HYPERSEXUALITY, SEX ADDICTION, PORNOGRAPHY

People who have engaged in compulsive sexual activities often seek counselling as a result of a crisis. This may arise from:

  • their partner finding out about extramarital sexual involvement

  • losing their job or facing financial strain as a result of the behaviour, or

  • even facing arrest for illegal sexual behaviour

 

When this occurs in a marriage or a committed relationship, often both members of the couple feel shame, which may lead them to maintain secrecy. This can heighten a sense of isolation for many people – feeling that they are alone in what they face.

 

If you can relate to this, then talking with a professional who is trained in this area can help both you and your partner work through your crisis and move forward with support.

 

When it comes to recovery with addictions, research shows that those who have the best outcomes in recovery:

  1. attend individual counselling

  2. gain the support of a 12-step group

  3. find a spiritual dimension in their lives

  4. get a mentor, sometimes called a “sponsor”; (i.e. become accountable)

  5. attend daily meditation, practise mindfulness and/or keep a journal

  6. seek support from family and friends

 

* IITAP is a very progressive and research-based Institute, founded on the extensive research and clinical work of Dr Patrick Carnes. Recovery programs and exercises have been developed from this extensive research and clinical practice. Encouraging results in recovery are often apparent.

 

Here’s a questionnaire (PATHOS) that will help you identify if your behaviours are becoming unmanageable. A positive response to one of these questions indicates a need for additional assessment. Three or more indicates addiction.

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  1. Do you find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts? (Preoccupied)

  2. Do you hide some of your sexual behaviour from others? (Ashamed)

  3. Have you ever sought help for sexual behaviour you did not like? (Treatment)

  4. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behaviour? (Hurt others)

  5. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire? (Out of control)

  6. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards? (Sad)

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IMPACT ON PARTNERS / PARTNER SUPPORT

Maybe you're a partner of someone who's struggling with compulsive behaviour or an addiction. Partners can often be overlooked or even blamed for the behaviour of their loved one. You may have been struggling for years, even feeling you're going crazy. You are not crazy – your feelings are the understandable outcome of having faced a huge battle without support!


Working with a specialist counsellor (CSAT) can help you navigate this very difficult and complex situation. You will receive guidance and support to navigate the next steps, which may even help save your relationship.

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